January 28th, 2004


Ma Solitude

From time to time, hang on what is the word for these things, fellow LJers include short things that generate various answers: which character are you from Lord of the Rings, what sort of data storage mechanism are you, which element are you in the periodic table. I've never included these things here and I admit part of the reason is that I just don't know how to. If I could create one that told you which Nouvelle Vague film you were, I probably would. For a laugh. Possibly a very short laugh. I'd want to be Alphaville but would probably end up as Zazie Dans Le Metro. Tant pis...

When I was looking through the Living With Caucasians site, I noticed that the writer referred to her son having a high AQ score. Thinking that this might be some new variant on the IQ test, I had a look. It turns out that the AQ test is actually to do with your Autism-Spectrum Quotient. Although you can find similarly named tests for your Allergy Quotient, African Quotient and Attitude Quotient. What are you looking at...?

I've just now tested myself for a second time to ensure that the first result (32) wasn't a doozy. Mmm, 38. Well, I doubt it's too scientific to take it a second time. The test notes: "Eighty percent of those diagnosed with autism or related disorder scored 32 or higher. The test is not a means for making a diagnosis, however, and many who score above 32 and even meet the diagnostic criteria for mild autism or Asperger's report no difficulty functioning in their everyday lives."

A phrase that has always stuck in my mind was a description that Gid's sister made of me once and he then told me about, where she described me as always jerking off in my head. At the time I wasn't sure whether this was just a sexual metaphor or a more figurative account of my mind being overactive but not communicating with the world outside. You spend enough of your time at that age jerking off wiithout your best friend's sister making you aware she knows it. I don't think this is quite what she meant, but the imagery made me embarassed to think about what it did mean more fully. Curiously another phrase from that family has always stuck in my mind, when his brother came out with "hot steaming gash on a plate". Pure Cronenberg. I can see James Woods' hand tentatively moving towards it.

So I'm suspicious of concluding anything from this result, but at the same time, like a hypochondriac relaxing with a dictionary of tropical diseases, I'm aware that it's not the first time that a charge of mild autism has been levelled at me. It would certainly explain a lot and diagnoses do bestow a sort of empowerment upon you. All those times you ran away from things because they were getting too close to you, all those relationships that didn't work out. It was because you were autistic rather than just incompetent or scared. The childhood spent most comfortably inside your own head rather than the world outside. The natural tendency to keep yourself to yourself. The occasions, although not so much recently I hope, when you thought you had been actively involved in conversations when you never spoke a word at all.

The word autistic always seems to connect with children. I've seen all sorts of reports and stories about autistic children, but there doesn't seem to be an equivalent weight of autistic adults. Is is something that is affected by puberty and largely cancelled out? Yawn, into the kitchen, hardly any coffee, the Whitbread prize awarded to Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. The tale of an autistic child. If I am partially autistic, can I please have a poster boy other than Dustin Hoffman? Mmm, here's a list of sorts. Not sure how accurate that list is, but between Bobby D., Nikola Tesla and Daria I'm relatively happy. Not that we'll do much talking to each other.
  • Current Music
    I'm finally loading up the 4 volume Hillbilly Boogie CD set

Mass Destruction Boogie Woogie

Sterling thanks to the Professor once more for clearing up that those things are called quizzes. I was expecting something a little more hip. Anyway, with snow falling in Stamford Hill and the release of the Hutton report still crapping on in the background...it's a bloody whitewash! It's a set up! Does anyone really believe these preposterous inquiries? Or is it enquiries? Dammit...

Anyway, following the P.'s suggestion, I have now made a brief foray into the world of interactive quizzes and can unveil to the world, the wonder that is Nouvelle Vague. Enjoy, mes amis!

Snow. Beautiful. Makes me want to take the evening off. So I will!

Err, doesn't seem to work. Wait...just a moment...just a moment...
  • Current Music
    Hutton, Hutton, Hutton